i dont want to believe that its the middle of august.
another summer over.
another year completed.
im a sixth year. what?
there are still so many things i want to do between now and then. i mean. i've only been to the beach once this year.
where did the time go. and why does it fly so fast the older we get?
disturbing.
but i think about all the memories these past few months hold... and i wouldnt change a thing. this summer wasnt wasted. in fact. it was quite full. good friends. amazing times. front porch talks. and food truck roundups. watching the sunset on east campus. gigs. open mic nights. guitars and bonfires. pianos and sheets of paper with scribbled lyrics. coffee shops. long walks. swimming and cookout. losing a roommate and good friend. gaining a roommate and good friend. holding on to winter weight (ugh). consuming too much caffeine. laughter. lots and lots of laugher. not glee night. joe van gogh. art walks. working through the angst of life. having close friends listen. advise. pray with you. cry with you. and love you anyway. heartache. joy. sacrifice. and whole foods salad bars. the joyce. tylers. climbing. and feeling like something was accomplished. pain. losing callouses. and watching my thesis go up in flames. pouring my heart and soul into music. and after five years finding my muse.
love.
love for life.
love for my friends.
the love that i had forgotten i had...
no. i wouldnt change a thing.
the danger of this past summer? making too many memories that i dont know where to put them... and learning that the more you give. to others. to life. the less focus you have on yourself. the less depression hangs around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_K1lywPZms&feature=relmfu
i'm learning now that i was wrong in everything
and thats the reason why i think that i can grow
its really not that bad
and there is something in your face
that pulls me far enough away
i guess that i always knew
that i'd find you when i thought
...you are my song, and you are where i wanna be...
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Invented
she grew up believing eyes were windows to the soul.
but now she wonders if their nothing more than pretty paintings covering windows.
************************
i've been thinking a lot about all the things i wish i could articulate to different people.
but dont. or cant.
for various reasons...
which has made me think a lot about eyes...
i believed growing up that the eyes never lie. want to know what someone's thinking. look there. forget their words. look. there.
but the older i get, the more i wonder if i was wrong. if the eyes can lie. i feel like i've been suckered into believing so many things based on the eyes of others... believing their eyes speak truth.
then i thought. perhaps i'm the one of the rare people who cant hide the truth in their eyes ... and maybe THATS why im such an easy push-over. easy prey. easy to manipulate. to tell when im kidding. to tell when im serious. to tell when i'm angry. dont listen to my words. look at my eyes...
and sometimes i wish people would just understand what i'm trying to say not through words. and sometimes im glad they dont. sometimes its difficult to convey what exactly i mean because they're too far away. and sometimes its difficult because they're too close. geographically or relationally... take your pick...
there's a cinematic end
i picture it just right
having trouble with the right words
but you tell me with your eyes.
there's something good i missed.
something i cant find.
do you believe me now?
can you see it in my eyes...
invented - jimmy eat world
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wddewaGkVPc (yes, i know the links arent working. blogspot has been acting dumb recently...)
invented.
the invented outer exterior of being even keel.
the way the music seems bland and steady.
the climactic end to such a fabulous song.
the instrumental build mimicking pent-up emotion.
and then. the breaking of the dam.
and the returning to normalcy
i wonder how one person can have a heart full of so many emotions for so many different people. to have so many thoughts. feelings. running. coursing. through their veins. to feel pain. guilt. love. happiness. all in one instant. but never feel like they can find the right words to say.
so they tell people everything with their eyes.
but that doesnt release the emotions very quickly. more like the dripping of water from a clogged faucet.
somedays. i wonder. if perhaps. the dam will break.
and i may just explode.
but now she wonders if their nothing more than pretty paintings covering windows.
************************
i've been thinking a lot about all the things i wish i could articulate to different people.
but dont. or cant.
for various reasons...
which has made me think a lot about eyes...
i believed growing up that the eyes never lie. want to know what someone's thinking. look there. forget their words. look. there.
but the older i get, the more i wonder if i was wrong. if the eyes can lie. i feel like i've been suckered into believing so many things based on the eyes of others... believing their eyes speak truth.
then i thought. perhaps i'm the one of the rare people who cant hide the truth in their eyes ... and maybe THATS why im such an easy push-over. easy prey. easy to manipulate. to tell when im kidding. to tell when im serious. to tell when i'm angry. dont listen to my words. look at my eyes...
and sometimes i wish people would just understand what i'm trying to say not through words. and sometimes im glad they dont. sometimes its difficult to convey what exactly i mean because they're too far away. and sometimes its difficult because they're too close. geographically or relationally... take your pick...
there's a cinematic end
i picture it just right
having trouble with the right words
but you tell me with your eyes.
there's something good i missed.
something i cant find.
do you believe me now?
can you see it in my eyes...
invented - jimmy eat world
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wddewaGkVPc (yes, i know the links arent working. blogspot has been acting dumb recently...)
invented.
the invented outer exterior of being even keel.
the way the music seems bland and steady.
the climactic end to such a fabulous song.
the instrumental build mimicking pent-up emotion.
and then. the breaking of the dam.
and the returning to normalcy
i wonder how one person can have a heart full of so many emotions for so many different people. to have so many thoughts. feelings. running. coursing. through their veins. to feel pain. guilt. love. happiness. all in one instant. but never feel like they can find the right words to say.
so they tell people everything with their eyes.
but that doesnt release the emotions very quickly. more like the dripping of water from a clogged faucet.
somedays. i wonder. if perhaps. the dam will break.
and i may just explode.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
...everything that happens from now on...
she reflected.
a secret on her mind.
it made the world so much brighter.
livelier.
and she smiled.
the kind of smile that lights up a room.
illuminates the darkest corner.
is contagious.
the kind of smile that forces you to look past the eyes.
into the soul.
and see the beauty within.
she smiled.
*********************************************
i've had bon iver's re: stacks on repeat. for what seems like months now.
so transparent. so much soul. so much angst. and yet. there's so much resolve. so easy to relate. in one lyrically sparse song. i wish i knew what made someone push repeat 40x in a row.
i'm learning patience. with everything. its frustrating.
but, i'm moving forward.
inch
by
inch.
i'm moving forward.
and now if all your love was wasted. well then who the hell was i?
a secret on her mind.
it made the world so much brighter.
livelier.
and she smiled.
the kind of smile that lights up a room.
illuminates the darkest corner.
is contagious.
the kind of smile that forces you to look past the eyes.
into the soul.
and see the beauty within.
she smiled.
*********************************************
i've had bon iver's re: stacks on repeat. for what seems like months now.
so transparent. so much soul. so much angst. and yet. there's so much resolve. so easy to relate. in one lyrically sparse song. i wish i knew what made someone push repeat 40x in a row.
i'm learning patience. with everything. its frustrating.
but, i'm moving forward.
inch
by
inch.
i'm moving forward.
and now if all your love was wasted. well then who the hell was i?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
you're a beautiful soul
she said she needed out.
a fresh start.
she said he gets her.
and thats all she needed
to leave this town behind...
*************************
i've been writing. a lot. more than i probably should considering the myriad of other things that i really should be doing.
its been purging. its been painful. its been quite the exacavation. but the end product? satisfying.
what sparked this random occurence of musing?
perhaps its watching a house and a dog for some friends. a house rife with recent memories. good. and bad.
perhaps its this reticent mood. locking myself away from the world for hours. with a silent dog as my companion. and one. glorious. piano.
perhaps its the simple nostalgia that a porch swing brings... the breeze of a storm blowing in. the scent of summer air.
or perhaps i've just shoved too many things in my "deal-with-this-later" box. and trying to stuff one more thing inside made the contents explode. unexpectedly. all over.
i'll post lyrics (and hopefully recordings) soon. i havent actually written the lyrics yet. crazy, i know. first time i've poured my heart into the melody and NOT into the words. i think i like this way better.
i'll leave you with three songs. i've been ruminating on. mulling them over and over. wrestling. and beating myself into a bloody mess...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I483tB12SyE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6Y8euc1G9A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCnI3Xjjvzo
I was starting to shake
From the days I’ve been up
There’s a lot on my plate
And the ones I loved stopped answering
They left me to find my self
In my own hate
I work all alone with a cynical taste
And the day I get out
Is the day I’ll be made
a fresh start.
she said he gets her.
and thats all she needed
to leave this town behind...
*************************
i've been writing. a lot. more than i probably should considering the myriad of other things that i really should be doing.
its been purging. its been painful. its been quite the exacavation. but the end product? satisfying.
what sparked this random occurence of musing?
perhaps its watching a house and a dog for some friends. a house rife with recent memories. good. and bad.
perhaps its this reticent mood. locking myself away from the world for hours. with a silent dog as my companion. and one. glorious. piano.
perhaps its the simple nostalgia that a porch swing brings... the breeze of a storm blowing in. the scent of summer air.
or perhaps i've just shoved too many things in my "deal-with-this-later" box. and trying to stuff one more thing inside made the contents explode. unexpectedly. all over.
i'll post lyrics (and hopefully recordings) soon. i havent actually written the lyrics yet. crazy, i know. first time i've poured my heart into the melody and NOT into the words. i think i like this way better.
i'll leave you with three songs. i've been ruminating on. mulling them over and over. wrestling. and beating myself into a bloody mess...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I483tB12SyE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6Y8euc1G9A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCnI3Xjjvzo
I was starting to shake
From the days I’ve been up
There’s a lot on my plate
And the ones I loved stopped answering
They left me to find my self
In my own hate
I work all alone with a cynical taste
And the day I get out
Is the day I’ll be made
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