recently i've been listening to this song. http://www.ilike.com/artist/Lovedrug/track/Southern+Knell
and when i say listening, what i really mean is having it on repeat. continually ruminating on the lyrics. and thinking...
Sometimes i mistake my heartache for bliss
Come on now babe, let's seal it with a kiss
No one need avenge you if no one does harm
No one here can lay on your memory bed
Where you kissed your mother, your father on the head
No one understands you when,
But I've got to try...oh someone's got to try...
Come on play that 45 and dance like sin
I'll lock up the doors, honey no one'll come in
You're beautiful alone but with so much to give to the world
So why not let 'em in?
Shaking all these branches for love to fall
It's hard when you're lookin down to see it all
The leaves are all landing and nothing's there
Layin on the highest limb, pullin down stars
Callin your name, I've traveled so far
No one understands you here, but i've got to try...
Come on play that 45 and dance like sin
I'll lock up the doors, honey no one'll come in
You're beautiful alone but with so much to give to the world
So why not let 'em in?
...how fitting.
and i'm left here ruminating on so many overly asked questions. will anyone ever understand me? will anyone ever try? i mean truly try. not a half-hearted attempt...because they think i'm another accessory to obtain... but b/c they truly desire to see my heart. to know my heart. because they think i'm worth it. will someone ever love me without scaring me away. love me with open hands and not crush my wings? love me without trying to box me in?
and will i ever look up? stop looking down at everything that has fallen around me. stop looking at where others have failed me. hurt me. made me ashamed of myself. insecure with myself. where others have caused me to distrust words spoken. sometimes i forget there are things to look forward to when i'm too distracted by what has failed.
and the real questions. do i really have anything to give to the world? is it worth letting in someone to just hurt me? to let them see all of me the good, the bad, and the broken?
i just desire to be loved and protected. to be known. isnt that what everyone hopes for? lives for? wishes on falling stars for?? i wanna believe that it's possible. ridiculous? probably. but true.
this song takes me back to those nights of naivete 10+ years ago. when all that mattered was whether or not you'd made Varsity cheer. if you had the same class schedule as your closest friends. if you were stuck in A-lunch, or were lucky enough to have C-lunch. Rushing out to meet friends with a quick peck on the top of my dad's head, a hug from my mom. cold nights under the lights at a friday night football game. cider mills and bonfires. feeling so grown-up, like the world was my peach. my fuzzy little peach. dancing the night away in the basements of a friends. My mom's hot chocolate made with love...
a time before heartache. before becoming jaded and cynical. a time i so desperately wish i could share with those i know and love now... to show how things used to be. how i used to be. before i became so broken. so downtrodden. disheartened. before i began to distrust myself. and what i have to give to the world...
when did letting people in become such a large ordeal? when did opening up to people... really opening up to people... become something nightmares were made of? why is it so easy to keep people at an arm's length and never allow them to get any closer.
you're beautiful alone but with so much to give to the world. so why not let them in?
