"...when i think of you, i dont feel so alone... as many times as i blink, i'll think of you tonight..."
It's no surprise to those who know me that I have an issue sleeping. Regardless of clean sheets, freshly fluffed pillows or down mattress, reading, crocheting [i heard the rhythm can help], deep breathing, yoga, listening to ambient music, lights dim, lights off, silence, attempting to clear my cluttered mind .... even tylenol pm. but nothing works.
nothing.
absolutely nothing...
i'll fall asleep for an hour [maybe]... and then im awake. till the whee hours of the morning. where i finally doze off for an hour or two before i peel myself away from my comfy pillow and stare at my bags and bloodshot eyes...
and so lastnight in a fit of anger and rage...after staring at my ceiling fan whirl around for what seemed like hours i flung my covers off (more like kicked them off with flailing legs amidst exasperated sighs), fumbled my way to my dresser to turned my light and simultaneously stubbing my toe on something.
oh yeah.
my bible.
something i had been attempting to pick up for the past few nights and kept randomly thinking of a few other things i needed to get done before i could take a minute and catch up on the reading that i've been wanting to do.
and yet i cant remember the list of ridiculous things that took up my time.
funny how that happens. (note::sarcasm)
So i cracked the spine. thinking huh. what to read.
as the pages fell away to jeremiah. as good as anything else that i can think of at 4am... so like a New York Times bestseller, i blazed through the first three chapters in a matter of minutes. and was completely floored. (metaphorically speaking... though it should have been literally)
God's sense of humor is sometimes not so funny to me. at least not in the whee hours of the morning. when my eyeballs are wanting to fall out of my head. and my brain is racing at 90+ mph. but honestly. Reading 3 chapters of God's disgust and disdain for his people (israelites and judeans both) and their wandering promiscuous eye. Finding other gods and idols to worship. taking away their time.
ugh. wasnt i just thinking of all the other things i needed to complete before i sit down to read this? and my mind stops racing. for one minute. and i can almost hear a pin drop (once again... metaphorical)...
God's ready to pour out his judgement. He's sending this prophet to get their attention.
to.
get.
their.
attention.
yeah... i get it. maybe if i thought about Him while i was trying to fall asleep... like lover's daydreams... like the owl city lyrics i opened with.... maybe then my mind would chill out. and i could sleep. There is no peace for the wandering. there is only depression and the feeling of being alone. all alone.
there.
is.
no.
peace.
without.
God.
"...when i think of you, i dont feel so alone... as many times as i blink, i'll think of you tonight..."
