hear me out...

it's rainy. and i love it. it fits my mood. and how i feel.



i hear this song and i remember home.

and i miss home.

and i remember what it was like to feel that.



and by home i mean not only clinton township but east lansing...

and by "that" i mean love. you know. that giddy-my-days-are-never-gray-always-wake-up-smiling-love-my-life love. not being IN LOVE. just love.

pure.

simple.

love.

days of wreaking havoc, of being silly and happy. of going to late night diners. being "kidnapped" from homework. of open-mic nights and local bands. coffee houses and guitars. movies and euchre. longboarding and throwing pumpkins off parking garages. dorm rooms and cloves. hookah. late night drives with windows down and music blaring. bonfires. roadtrips. hamocks. swimming pools and hot-tubs. subway. sunburns. climbing trees and jousting. building snowmans and snowball fights. college cafeteria food-fights and wrestling matches. camping. the summit.

days before people were married. and pregnant. and parents.

we're adults.

we're parents.

wtf.

we grew up?

where was I?

nostalgia.

why is it that songs can trigger such nostalgia. i know im not unique in this. why do we associate good feelings, bad feelings... heck any sort of feelings... with a song. why is it that a certain chord progression can make me cry, or certain lyrics pierce my soul. songs are like good friends. you know? they dont leave. they dont judge. they are just there. for better or worse. they can remind you of what you want to be, where you want to go, or why you are doing what you are doing. they can help you snap out of the blues that you may be singing... but can also sit and wallow with you when you need it the most. they can make a moment feel infinite.

but songs cant miss you. you miss them.

things i have noticed in this past month, as the depression lifts.
1. grad school has caused me to have a nervous breakdown on mulitple occasions
2. since coming to grad school i have lost my punctuality. in fact it is almost expected that i will be late. it annoys me.
3. i have become unreliable. mostly due to work. and my unpredictable schedule. but also my unpredictable mood swings.
4. i consume more caffeine than i should
5. i consume less food then i should.
6. i spend too much money on cds.
7. i have a hard time returning phone calls.
8. i miss being carefree
9. i dont like being a grown-up.

and it's all building character.

but i still miss my college friends. and sometimes im not sure if they miss me too.

ok. and now im done whining.

hey look the rain has lifted.